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Parenting & Families |
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Finding Your Perfect Match
written by Pepper Schwartz
Studio : Perigee Trade
by Perigee Trade
Publisher : Perigee Trade
Released : 2006-01-03
Availability : Usually ships in 1-2 business days
Number of Items : 1
EAN : 9780399532443
Avg. Customer Rating: (based on 8 reviews)
List Price : $14.95
Our Price : $0.01
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Product Description |
Dr. Pepper Schwartz helps readers identify the eight specific personality characteristics that they need to understand about themselves-and others. And the Duet(tm) Total Compatibility System, a sophisticated yet easy-to-follow series of self-tests that have helped thousands of people in their search for love, gives them an intimate and honest appraisal of who they are, what they want, and ultimately, who they should be with.
This approach not only helps reveal each person's unique romantic profile, but also identifies five major lifestyle issues that can have a dramatic impact on the long-term success of their relationships: money, sex, children, core values, and social life. Readers will also be able to uncover the deal-breakers, to identify their strengths and weaknesses, and to determine whether someone is a potential match before getting deeply involved. |
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Two And A Half Stars, Also Titled "But What If I'm Both Ways?" |
While I admire Dr. Pepper Schwartz's attempt to expand upon the Myers-Briggs method of personality testing to create her eight-category "Duet" system, I am still not completely satisfied that this type of testing really accomplishes what it sets out to accomplish.
I have been subjected to Myers-Briggs personality testing at least two times, if not more, during the course of my lifetime. Initially enthusiastic, I always dutifully maneuver through the test hoping that it will tell me something about myself that I didn't already know. Each time that I reach the end and get my four-letter personality "code," or whatever it is called, I end up disappointed. Not only does the test fail to tell me anything I didn't already know, i.e. there is never an "ah-ha" moment, it places me into a personality type that I do not feel reflects my true personality at all. It is my own personal feeling that the very nature of the test makes it incapable of truly testing anything except a person's ability to work with others in a professional environment. The categories are too rigid and do not allow enough space for people who fall somewhere in the middle.
The same problem is inherent in Dr. Schwartz's Duet compatibility system. Expanding the four dimensions of Myers-Briggs into eight still does not solve the problem of placing people into categories that are too broad and all-inclusive. A typical example is this: In the chapter titled "Predictability," the reader is asked to answer a seven-question true/false quiz. A higher number of true answers places the reader into the "Predictable" category and a higher number of false answers places the reader into the "Variety" category. Explanations of each category are then given. But wait, what if you're not highly predictable or highly changeable? What if you're somewhere in the middle? What if sometimes you like to go to your favorite restaurant every day for a month, and then sometimes you like to change it up and try new restaurants? The test does not allow for any middle ground.
Every quiz chapter is like the one mentioned above except that the categories change. Readers are either determined to be all "high energy" or all "relaxed," all "optimistic" or all "cautious," all "flexible" or all "structured" and so forth. I cannot speak for other people, but some aspects of my personality change depending upon what I am doing and who I am with. I hate being placed into categories such as these. It is as if I can't have a bad day if good days are what I usually have. I can't act in a predictable way if I'm usually hungry for "variety." It is always one broad, sweeping category or the opposite broad, sweeping category. Although this failing of the test may seem minor to some people, there is no such thing as a person who always acts one way in a given situation all the time. Just think about that. And if it is the purpose of this book to enlighten people as to their romantic wants and needs in order to help them find that "perfect match," then this failing takes on a much greater importance then, say, determining who is going to be the leader of the group at work.
I don't need seven-question quizzes to tell me how I am, and many of these are no-brainers, unless you are a person with no self-analysis abilities at all. It is not helpful to get advice at the end of the chapters like "It is usually better to pick someone similar on the predictability scale" or "If two people are more closely aligned when it comes to personal energy levels, it allows them to create a mutually satisfying lifestyle more easily." Really? Well, I would never have figured that one out. There is a high "well duh" factor to many of these.
Ultimately, this is a very scientific, clinical method of finding love that makes some huge generalizations about people by placing them into very broad categories. If that's what you want, go for it.
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Great Help In Finding A Partner |
In her new book, "Finding the Perfect Match" , Dr. Pepper Schwartz, who helped put the "perfect" in Perfectmatch.com, brings three crucial attributes to the seemingly impossible task of helping people find and hold onto a mate worth having: intelligence, experience and a sense of humor. Building on more than 30 years of experience, not only doing her own research, but communicating the findings of several major areas of research and current thought to a wide variety of audiences, Dr. Schwartz lays out a means of first analyzing "what makes you tick" and then finding out what sort of other person is or is not likely to make a good fit with you. You don't want to be "the energizer bunny married to a sloth" any more than being a "glass-half-full" optimist married to someone always "raining on your parade". Dr. Schwartz uses a series of rather painless but probing questionnaires to lead the reader to an understanding of a series of eight major characteristics about yourself and any prospective partner you might currently, or sometime in the future, be considering as a mate. She then explains in readily digestible form, the meaning and implications of the answers to these questions and how they can guide you into making the best relationship decisions of your life - both in avoiding those painful mismatches that have driven you nuts in the past and in pursuing the one that just might finally put it all together for you. She waves no magic wands of course, and there are no written guarantees at the back of the book, but if you want to get a better sense of who you are and who you should be looking for out there, Dr. Schwartz lights the path exceedingly well while making the pitfalls a whole lot easier to see.
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An alternative (to Cate's) view |
Cate said that the attempt at modeling the Myers-Briggs technique, doesn't work for her, as she is already introspective.
Personally, I appreciate and respect Cate's courage and honesty in offering her thoughtful opinions. The following is offered in the spirit of that appreciation and respect:
I may be wrong, but it is my understanding that the purpose of this book is to establish a common set of traits so that folks can begin to examine their mutual compatibility in an objective, apples-to-apples manner. I don't see it as primarily an auto-psychometric tool, intended to lead someone primarily to understand them self, alone.
Myers-Briggs is about self-examination. This book is about independent, mutual examination. I can't speak to the question of "hokey", but the approach of this book does seem to succeed at modeling Meyers-Briggs' Jungian analysis. Of course Myers-Briggs is broader and especially deeper. It is for professional use. The book is about a proto-relationship reality check, not an in-depth analysis.
As to the library, I heartily agree about examining a book before buying it. I do that myself, most of the time.
Thank you for taking the time to let me share my thoughts with you, thoughtful reader. |
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Not sure the value of this book |
I guess I'm in the minority here, but this book didn't do much for me. The author tried to develop a Myers Briggs type technique, but it doesn't really work. Maybe if I were lacking self-awareness, this book would give me some insight. Otherwise, I don't get the value.
The author's technique seems hokey and contrived to me. Myers Briggs is far more valuable - more depth, more basis for conclusions, and more relevant to the real world.
If you really want to read this book, I'd suggest you get it from the library. You'll likely breeze through it and never look at it again. |
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Looking for Love? |
This is a book that I have found useful both at
the personal and professional level. The author begins with a simple, but powerful proposition: you have to know yourself before you can have a lasting love relationship with someone else. Of course, that is a big task- maybe no one ever completely knows himself or herself. Still, additional
insights are welcome as long as they really are new information and they help orient you towards the kind of person you should be with, and away from someone who ultimately will either disappoint you-- or vice versa.
What I like here is that the book doesn't ask you, for example, if you are an extrovert or an introvert, but measures that personality type by seven well-chosen, and well-explained, questions. Sometimes the findings are unexpected-which could make you feel like the test was inaccurate--but instead, because all the measurements are explained, they're persuasive.
I also like the last part of the book that helps you think about HOW important certain things are to you-- like money, sex,
and values--among other things. I think those tests help you stay honest with yourself- which can be harder to do than it sounds.
The book reads well, fast, and I think it has something to offer to those witha partner as well as those who are searching for one. I also think that, except for a few places, it would work for same-sex as well as opposite-sex relationships. It is
fun to read- but its not lightweight. I would highly recommend it.
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